That’s right friends, there is a Mini Mish on the way! We are so unbelievably excited to finally share this news with you all! Not only are we thanking God for this little miracle, but we have been through quite the emotional roller coaster over this past month as we’ve had ultrasounds, doctors appointments, meetings with oncologists, surgery and more. We’ve been looking forward to not only sharing with you that we are having a baby in April, but also that all the concerns and fears we were experiencing these past four to five weeks were significantly put to rest last week after surgery!

We debated how much we should include on our blog, but we feel it is a story we must share completely.  You are all like family, and you’ve always been so unbelievably loving and supportive! So here it goes…

We had our first doctor’s appointment on September 8th and were very anxiously awaiting this appointment as confirmation that I was indeed pregnant. At the appointment, they couldn’t hear the heartbeat, so they opted to send us for an early ultrasound to confirm my due date. Again, we were so excited to finally see our little baby and for all of this to feel more real! That Friday we headed out to get our ultrasound bright and early so Mike wouldn’t miss work, and we got to hear the baby’s heartbeat and see it moving it’s head and “arms” all around. What an amazing experience! It wasn’t long after the lab tech showed us the baby that she mentioned a 7 x 6 cm (nearly 3 inches) cyst or mass of some sort that they found in my right ovary (and a normal ovary is 3 x 1 cm in size). I wasn’t too concerned at first because I’ve had several friends who have had ovarian cysts during their pregnancies and they’ve just gone away. But after leaving the appointment, I got a more disconcerting phone call from my doctor explaining that this was more serious and that they were concerned about what it could be. She requested I schedule an appointment with a gynecological oncologist to go over the pros, cons, risks and details of what it would look like for me should I need surgery to remove the mass while I was pregnant. (Cue: emotional basket case!) God’s timing was perfect as we had a low key weekend on tap.  I pretty much just sat on the couch all weekend trying to make sense of everything as I prayed that God would take care of it and somehow remove my fears and anxieties. All of a sudden the joy of seeing our baby and the excitement of being pregnant felt far away…was I even still pregnant? Of course I was…but it was hard to remind myself of that because every time I looked down at my belly or thought of our mini Mish in there, I automatically thought of that mass growing right next to our baby.  It was already double the size of our little peanut! In my mind…the mass was dominating, and I was terrified that we would lose our baby.

Baby at 9 weeks (looks like it’s wearing a hat)

We had to wait a week to get in with the surgeon, and during that week of waiting we finally just gave it all to God. Mike and I kept saying that if the only reason I got pregnant was for them to find this, then they needed to find it! God is so much bigger than all of us, and He works all things for the good of those who love Him!

Our appointment with the surgeon went well and she answered all 2,374 questions that we had written down to ask her. She explained that it was either a fibroma (benign mass of tissue cells) or that it could be cancer. Just hearing that word threw us for a loop. We sat in the Magee Ovarian Cancer Center that morning just thinking, “How did we get here?!” While it was nerve-racking and scary, to say the least…it was also a great appointment and though terrified, we left more informed, so that helped. It took us another couple of days to recover and give it to God once again. Then the waiting began…two more weeks. Thankfully, they went fast, and it was there before we knew it. We had our ultrasound at Magee Friday, October 3rd, and once again it was so great seeing our little baby and it’s full profile! We saw it’s tiny stomach and rib cage, it’s brain and it’s little fingers and toes – what a joy!

Our biggest concern was whether or not the mass had grown over the past 3 weeks, so when the lab tech informed us that it didn’t appear to have grown much, if at all, we couldn’t believe it and were absolutely thrilled with the news! We thought it was all over…but a couple hours later my doctor called to tell us that the ultrasound was showing an abnormally high increase in blood flow to the mass and that it could be a sign that it was ovarian cancer. She confirmed that she wanted me to get the MRI on Monday and that unless something was drastically different with the MRI results, they were seriously considering surgery. While we knew that was an option all along, we didn’t realize it would get to that point, and before we knew it, we were sitting in our oncologist’s office the following Tuesday so she could go over all the results with us. It wasn’t long before she just cut to the chase, “We are concerned that this is cancer and we want you to come in for surgery on Monday for us to take it out.” What?! The next several minutes still feel like a blur. She talked about how the increase in blood flow and the abnormal MRI results did not resemble a fibroma (like they originally thought) and that the risk that it could be cancer was too high for them to not take it out. She went on to talk about how they don’t consider surgery during pregnancy lightly and that they wouldn’t do this if they didn’t think there was a serious concern. She told us that the surgery would start off laparoscopically to remove the mass along with my right ovary and fallopian tube. While I would still be under anesthesia they would run a preliminary biopsy to see if it was cancerous. If they believed it to be cancer, they would continue right then with open surgery to remove lymph nodes and any additional involved tissue for biopsy to determine exact cancer and stage. It was SO much to take in at once. She left the room to schedule the surgery, and we just held each other and sobbed. We cried because we were scared and confused.   We cried because we didn’t want to lose this baby.  We cried because we never thought that this would be us, sitting in an oncological office, scheduling surgery to remove what they thought to be cancer. How were we saying that word? We spent the next four and a half hours at the hospital in a daze, finalizing surgery details, getting blood work and meeting with a high risk obstetrician. It was the worst day of our lives.

Baby at 13 weeks

We had another week of waiting until the surgery. Another week of fear, but a week also filled with so much love and support and SO much reliance on God! We honestly don’t know how we could’ve ever gotten through all this without our trust in Him!  As we anxiously waited for the surgery on Monday and the final answer to all our questions and concerns, we clung to His promises in His word found in Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 91, Psalm 121, Jeremiah 29:11, Jeremiah 30:17 and too many others to recount.  We received so many cards, flowers, meals, and prayers…lots and lots of prayers from so many of our closest friends and family! Not to mention the daily card I received in the mail from my mom reminding me of God’s goodness and His perfect plan for us, bringing me to tears and to my knees in prayer! We seriously cannot thank each and every one of you who helped us get through all this! And as for Mike, I am humbled anew at God’s plan to bring Mike into my life and bless me with this amazing husband who has not only been my shoulder to cry on, but my rock and my constant source of love and assurance that God is good no matter what!

Some bumps along the way…

The night before the surgery we sat with my parents and read through the MRI and ultrasound results one last time. They read things like “the architectural pattern of this mass suggests the presence of a right ovarian dysgerminoma” (a type of ovarian cancer) and “The possibility that this mass represents another solid ovarian tumor, such as a stromal tumor or sex cord tumor cannot be excluded” (more types of cancer). While reading this was nothing short of terrifying, we trusted that whatever it may be, whether it was cancer or not, we will be praising God that they found it and could remove it.

Then came Monday, the day of my surgery, and the day we would find out if I had ovarian cancer or not. While I joked about my concerns of not being able to eat for 6+ hours before the surgery, reminding everyone that I was pregnant and could hardly go 2 hours without eating, the morning flew by and before I knew it, we were waiting in the pre-op room. It didn’t take long for them to hook me up to my IV, take my blood, give me a shot of blood thinner, mark on my stomach where they would make the incisions and wheel me off to the operating room. It was the hardest good-bye and “see you later” I’ve ever experienced. Tears streaming down my face, telling my family I love them and hearing Mike yell “I love you” down the hall as they took me farther and farther away from him. But once again, God came to my rescue.  He knew of my terror of heading into that operating room and the nightmares I had been having about it, and He sent a cousin of a very close friend to walk with me and talk to me as they wheeled me down the hall.

Next thing I knew, I was waking up in post-op recovery to the sound of our baby’s heart beat…”147, did you hear that?” the nurse anesthetist asked. I nodded yes in relief then I felt my surgeon rub my arm and ask how I was feeling. The first thing out of my mouth was “What was it?”…At this point I still had no idea if I’d been under for 2 hours or 6 and what they found. She answered, “It was benign,” and I wept with joy. Followed by “Where is Mike? When can I see him?”

Before and After the surgery…

What had been the worst day of our lives 6 days prior was replaced by the best day of our lives (since finding out we were pregnant) that day! And while my past week was spent on the couch recovering from the surgery, it was also spent praising God for this miracle! This past Thursday, our surgeon called to tell us that they just got the full pathology report back and that there were no signs of cancer! She went on to say how excited she was with the news because that was honestly not what they were expecting! It was called a Sclerosing Stromal Tumor, and there have only been about 250 cases of this tumor reported…EVER.  Looks like God made me extra unique! She explained that the only way to treat this was to have it removed and that while my pregnancy is still high risk while I recover and heal for another week or so, I should expect a normal pregnancy from here on out!  Barring any further complications, we should be able to complete our wedding season and continue with our European vacation plans next month!!

While it has been one of the most trying months of our lives, we chose to remain joyful through all of this and give it all to God. It wasn’t easy…we were scared and didn’t know why we had to go through all of these ups and downs during what should have been the most exciting couple months of our lives so far. Sometimes we found ourselves wanting to say “Why us?”…but the reality is, why not us?

There are still uncertainties ahead, but we know full well that God is in control. And to be honest, I am still scared, daily, at the thought of losing this baby or the other risks that may come up later on in the pregnancy because of this surgery, but I can’t help but trust the One who has already seen us through this so far, knowing that He is watching over this baby of ours each and every day! He is faithful, and we will forever be praising His name for this miracle! We cannot wait to meet our sweet baby in just 6 months and someday share this story with him/her!